Without Further Ado...

The time has come, friends. 

After seven and a half glorious, life-changing, big, BIG, years, my little blog is off to play porch-side bingo and drink her gin-and-tonics.

That's right, all - Breakfast at Target is retiring.

It's a decision not made lightly; but after a few months of discovering just how much the voice here has changed, it's time to let her slide peacefully into the capsule that was our awkward chapter between college and the getting to the coast. 

And she has served me so well. She's collected some of my biggest moments and experiences. She's taken some of my most important conversations with people and put them in a place for me to find when I needed to remind myself of it. She was teacher and uplifter of sorts - by having a place to write and knowing there was an audience, as small as it might be, I was able to sort out feelings and learnings through the filter of the interwebs. She never judged as I sat at my computer, whether in the dark shadows of a library with a giant coffee or in my oversized underpants with a bottle glass of cheap merlot. She gave me a space, safe and small and familiar, to be with my thoughts no matter where I found myself.

While the last 7.5 years have not been without their tough times, challenging moments, breakdowns, meltdowns, shockers, and disappointments, they've also been full of great changes, big joys, hugs, waffles, and happy, HAPPY times.

Again, after much deliberation and asking for guidance from the cosmos, it felt like this was the best clean break. Instead of trying to re-work everything and cram her into a new box, I wanted to leave her experiences and message in their integrity.

Breakfast at Target and her posts will live on in this space; and she will remain here, open for one and all, to still be enjoyed. After all the work I've put into this and the support you've all shown for it, she deserves to stay intact. 

And, excitedly, I'm here to tell you my blogging days are far from over...

(Did you REALLY think you were going to get rid of me that easily?)

While we say our farewells to B@T, I'm thrilled to introduce you to the

Harbour Affair.

As with any new creative venture, she's a raging hot mess right now.

But she's going through her magical HTML transformation, 

and she'll be off to the internet ball pretty soon.

(In other words, stay tuned.)

Breakfast at Target has a couple of final posts before we say good bye, so know we'll all have time to wish her well before she's off to the good life.

And she's given me plenty of hugs & high fives to share as we do.

For now, may 2015 close with a happy sigh of relief for making to to a new year, and may 2016 mean great things for us all.

More to come...

-C

Baby Talk: When It's Not So Cute Anymore

Y'all know I have no problem sharing my most embarrassing meltdowns and personal opinions here on Breakfast at Target. (What's a blog good for if you don't toss something wacky into the internet?) But considering the topic at hand and in-my-face as of late, I need to take a quick minute to share a simple thought with you:

Unless it concerns your or your spouse's/significant other's uterus, 

it's none of your business.

Period.

I used to think it was just annoying and wrote it off as standard small talk for recently wed couples, but it's starting to get out of hand. In the last several weeks I've been approached almost daily from people from the many corners of life wanting to know, and often very directly, if my womb is preoccupied and/or will be in the near future. I really don't get it -- it's something I've often wondered about with friends and family when I hear cryptic talk or their Facebook posts are cheeky yet vague, but I don't waste too many thoughts on it. If I'm supposed to know, I'll know. 

And that's how this story will go from here, too:

DON'T WORRY, if there's a little beach bum on the way,
I'll be sure to mention it.

But here's the thing:

If I chose not to mention it, there may or may not be a reason why,
but your life will still go on.

I promise.

Unless you're planning to drop everything and move to the coast and be our live-in nanny and pay for my boob-lift and lipo, I don't understand why it concerns you that bad anyways.

**deep breath**

Please know this post is not a direct jab towards the people who've inquired recently. 

It's not a jab at motherhood or having kids or starting families.

This is not a pro-choice or feminist rant.

This post is merely to share in a frustration that I feel I can't express in the moment because I'm usually too stunned to say anything intelligent -- and I'm almost grateful for it, because the retorts I want to share are probably the ones I'll regret saying if they ever do come flying out of my mouth.

Here's the deal, muchacos:

We're not ready to bring a kiddo into the picture yet.

Sometimes we're convinced our little family is just fine the way it is.

We don't know.

It's a decision between us.

And you're all just going to have to deal with that.

And not just for me, but for others.

You don't know if people have been trying and find themselves experiencing loss or infertility.

You don't know what someone's financial circumstances are that may prevent them from bringing a child into the world with the resources needed.

You don't know if they are plagued with crisis with other members of their family that need their help and be caretaker for someone already in their lives.

You don't know if a person may need self-help and self-love enough to get to a place where they can love and accept themselves before they bring a child in that needs their affection and attention.

You don't know if a couple already has a plan and chooses to set up their lives so when they do start a family, they've done all they can to create a happy, loving, stable place to raise their new members of the planet.

You don't know if people have simply decided their lives are already full and joyful and in a place they want to be, and they don't need to make ANY excuses for that.

You don't know if someone's just putting on a few extra holiday lb's.

And if you don't know, chances are if you're supposed to, you will.

Yes, I have reached out to people asking for information or advice, to close friends who know my (and John's) history -- truth is we are curious around the family planning process, and I approach those I feel can communicate authentically and without judgment or suspicions. It is a conversation that we've had as a married couple; but it's certainly not THE conversation for us right now.

I am not here to say John and I are never having kids. 

I'm not here to say we are. 

I'm also not here to listen to excuses and reasons why I should accept why inquiring minds want to know and why it's an appropriate topic of conversation. 

(I'm serious, I honestly can't tolerate justifications anymore.)

I'm not here to be mad at or be angry with the people who have asked or "encouraged" our baby-making.

I'm busy making my photography business flourish and stand for something. I'm trying to support our new coastal community and give back to thank the Universe for all the gifts its given us lately. I'm signed up for several big running races next year and I'm busting tail to train hard and break PR's. I'm planning a few big trips and am making time for things I care about and am enjoying our new home so much I feel like I could explode. I finally, at the age of 30, pulled off a chocolate chip cookie recipe that didn't taste like it came out of the garbage.

I wish people would ask about that.

Again, I'm not anti-family, anti-motherhood, nor anti-kids. 

If you'd have told me my maternity and newborn lifestyle sessions would be some of my favorite times behind the lens several years ago, I don't know if I would've believed you. I've been privy to being one of the first people to know about my client's new bundles on the way when I'm asked to shoot announcement photos -- and it means a lot they trust me to do it. I am blown away by how enamored I am over my friends' and family's beautiful children; I really do hope my heart will be big enough one day to experience that kind of love. My little niece is in a whole other realm of priority and devotion; she's brought a bizarre joy and excitement to our world, especially knowing John and I share in the responsibility of her up-bringing, even if just a little bit.

But for now, I've got a Christmas and New Years of friends and family, of bourbon and cookies to enjoy, and then a 2016 already full of plans and possibility. 

I hope nothing but the same amazingness for you and your loved ones.

All I ask is that if you find yourself wanting to ask someone about their family planning situation, you think critically about why it makes a difference for you to know. And be prepared to accept the fact they may not have an answer -- and even if they do, they in no way owe you that information nor a justification.

And if you're really just baby/kid crazy, don't forget there are schools, shelters, and hospitals that need someone like you to bring your love of the kiddos to their service. I can name a several if you're looking to get involved.

Let there be peace on Earth, friends.

And let it begin with wine & cheese. 

Hugs & High Fives,

C

The 3rd Decade Disquisition

I have wildly attempted multiple times to write a blog post worthy of a brand new decade. Each attempt felt stagnant or halted or quite frankly like I drank cheap wine and cough syrup (also the cheap stuff) and decided to write a post. A few times I came damn close, as though I had finally figured it out, comprising a winning fete of words and wit that only a shiny new 30 year old could muster.

And each time I went back to primp and prime the final edit, something came up that set it back to the drawing board. Something that made the whole world stop and watch, sitting bewildered and shocked. 

Is it just me,

or does the World finally seem like it's given up?

Nearly daily mass shootings.

Urgent, ignored warnings of the impending disaster that is our unhealthy Earth collapsing in on itself.

Mean, nasty, defensive, self-righteous thoughts and words that smear the digital atmosphere -- a space that often feels of bearing more importance than the one of reality.

Children who grow up in dirty, sh**ty places where simple memories of bedtime stories and colorful spaces and silly friends will never be a part of their childhood.

Veterans and people with disabilities who sleep on cold, concrete slabs and never know when their next meal is coming.

I could go on.

To be honest, I've spent the last several weeks in a state of emotional purgatory; feeling anxious and overwhelmed, yet apathetic and defeated... trying to stay hopeful and present in the moment... trying to keep a smile on my face and trying to see the good in small situations to keep from ruminating over the scary events happening in the world at-large.

Every time I'd get excited about a new idea or new opportunity, a new piece of bad news would hit the airwaves and suddenly it felt stupid or void of meaning. "What's the point" was the constant mantra floating in my head. Why put heart and soul into something that wouldn't survive our own-self destruction? 

Here I was in a wonderful new place in my life, and I couldn't scrounge up the energy or will to enjoy the new possibilities sitting right in front of me.
It felt selfish to wallow in negative thoughts and feelings of helplessness and doom, but I couldn't pull myself out of it.

And through the noise of it all, I knew avoidance and distractions weren't the strategies I needed to get through.

I could spend an entire post lamenting the tortured and fractured soul of humanity. 

But stating the obvious isn't what I'm interested in.

What's not-so obvious is the call to action for positive impact. Between the screaming and fighting heard and seen and felt in so many levels of our surroundings, it feels like our only choices are to hide and ignore or get angry and fight back.

It's not.

I'm here to tell you that at the ripe young age of 30, I've finally discovered the secret:

It starts with simply with each of us.
The unique "You."

Not the sugar-coated, "be-whatever-you-want-to-be!," perfectly styled "you."
No, not your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Not your professor.

Not your boss.

Not that a**hole who cut you off in traffic.

Not that old lady who got in your way at the grocery store.

It's that messy-haired, "I'm freaked out, but I know I can do this!", friend-loving, family supporting You.

There is a wonderful, authentic truth to all of us - and that's where we start to shine a little brightness back into this clouded, hazy world.

Listen, I know it's totally crunchy granola, but discovering your "You" is the only thing that makes sense. When I stopped making excuses and being mad at everything and everyone who "got in my way" and started to explore where my gut was trying to take me, Life started to change. In some big ways. More importantly, it did so in some small, crucial ways that didn't make sense until way later. I had to make amends with the bitter, nervous, lose-at-no-cost person I created because I thought that's what the world needed of me. I had to let go of things I couldn't control. I had to look into the hollow, endless hole that was my fear and geronimo right into the middle of it. I had to have faith my hard-work, my support network, and my intentions were going to work out.

There were some bruises and scrapes to my ego in that leap, no doubt. But ultimately, there were my favorite people waiting on the other side with hugs and high fives. There were people I didn't even know who gave a hoot about my plunge, standing there in the crowd, too. And there was that image of my third-grade self, squealing in her confident, impish joy. 

The move to our new home on the coast has brought a much needed time for reflection and regrouping. The opportunity to be here is a gift John and I have vowed never to take for granted. It's time to let go of the things in my past that did me NO good and start discovering my opportunities here. It's magical and wonderful and a little weird to think we made our dream happen (with some Devine interventions and pushes from pals along the way, of course) -- but the work is just starting, my friends.

To those of you in a crux of self-discovery, a period of self-doubt, or feeling out-of-sorts, I swear to the mother of Meatloaf that you hold more answers than you realize. Your intuition is a serious force to be reckoned with; it's a path you'll have to let faith take over to see it for what it is (for us Type-A, plan-everything-out, get-'ish-done kind of people - we're going to have to work a little harder at that).

You don't need to "change" or "be better at _x_" or "wish you had _y_."

You need be honest with You.
Acknowledge your fears.
Say you're sorry to the people you've not been nice to.
Give in a little bit.
Push a little harder.
Focus on what abilities and capabilities and gifts you DO have.
Don't waste time on the things you don't -- seriously, that's energy and time you'll never get back.
Declare it and share it and get excited about whatever "it" may be.

And know it won't come quickly.
It won't come easily.
It will be scary and awkward and aggravating.

But I can guarantee you:
It will come with amazing new people in your life.
Things that seems stupid and cliche will make sense.
The present will feel more real than it ever has.
And you'll discover that your power towards making positive impact, as small or insignificant it seems at first, is still crucial to the overall force needed to make this world spin a little bit brighter.
And that no wine is too cheap to help when things get tough (just not good for writing blog posts).

So that's 30, folks.
Maybe all those self-help articles and yoga classes are paying off.
Or all that wine is finally catching up.

Either way, I'll take it.
Gratefully.

Hugs & High Fives,
C