Now, as most of you know, I'm not a raging fan of most "modern" parenting techniques; maybe I'm not a raging fan of modern parents. No, gone are the days when a proper beating was worthy (and effective!) punishment, finishing your plate meant literally eating whatever Mom made for the whole family that night (or you'd go to bed hungry, indeed!), and when you actually had to work for an allowance (I met a kid recently who got $5 for taking out the trash once a week -- I was lucky to get .50 cents for pulling weeds, and we had 60 acres!). This country's gone soft, and I don't like it.
One of my least favorite methods of the progressive parenting movement is the "positive reinforcement" one; you know what I'm talking about. Instead of saying, "Billy, you're an obnoxious little yuk and you're going to clean up that mess you made or you'll be sorry!", we have to say things like, "William, darling, I understand that dirt is natural and you were only expressing yourself, but I think it's time we scoop it up and give it back to Mother Earth. Then we'll go for ice cream!"
It's a load of tripe.
Recently, while working a family event at the neighboring YMCA, I slip out during all the loud hub-bub for a moment to use the restroom -- and in hopes to give myself a minute's solace locked behind the plastic stall walls. As I round the corner in the girl's locker room, the very first stall door is wide open, and a tall lady is looking over her toddler, maybe 3 or so, whom happens to be sitting deep in the toilet seat and flopping her legs around like she just discovered they were attached. The lady smiles at me as if it's totally normal to display her chubby little girl, and I awkwardly grin back as I make my way to the end of the hall of stalls. The wee one begins to sing some bizarre song about being ready (to do the deed, I'm guessing) and laughing maniacally intermittently. I lock myself in the cramped little space and drop my drawers to do my own business. I'm rudely interrupted by the little bumpkin's loud and distressed grunt, followed by: "MOMMY! I did it! I pooped! I POOPED IN THE POTTY!!!!!!" Mommy, apparently glowing in her proudest moment in parenthood, shrieks and claps like she just saw Pavarotti sing his farewell performance. "You did it! You pooped in the potty! You pooped in the potty, Annie! Oh-my-gosh, I'm so proud of you, sweetie! Good girl, Annie! GOOD GIRL!"
This, to me, is not healthy. If I were celebrated like that as a child every time I dropped timber in the river, I'd be expecting a damn poopie parade by now -- complete with confetti made of Charmin and midgets dressed in turd mascot costumes.
The celebration continued; and as I made my way out, the mom cleaned her daughter's bum in a tender moment of affection (now there's the big ta-da, lady -- see if she can wipe her own ass and you'll buy her a damn pony). Then the little girl stared up at me as I tried to get by, like she expected me to wail in delight. I just shook my head, more for her sake; she's going to be so disappointed so soon, so very soon.
At least they washed their hands on the way out. For this, I was grateful.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is your update. By the way, I'm recovering nicely from the previously mentioned surgery, and most of the swelling and soreness has subsided (though one of the girls at work told me today, "Oh, it only looks like you put on a little weight! See, now you know what you'd look like if you gained another 20lbs!"). Oddly enough, everyone apparently forgot about my procedure, and they spent the beginning part of my first day back on Monday (yes, I was already back to work Monday) wondering what kind of allergic reaction I suffered over the weekend. Clearly, I don't feel the love. Maybe I should get Annie's mom to come make me feel better....
Thank God it's almost the weekend.
BREAKFAST AT TARGET By Celia "Golightly"
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Laughing Gas Ain't Really That Funny, but My Swollen Cheeks Sure Are!
Well, the latest installment on my road to oral/maxillofacial reconstruction has been completed and an end is now in sight! If beauty is pain, I should have been offered a freakin' Victoria's Secret contract by now. Move over, Heidi -- I've earned those drag-tastic wings!
My recollections of Friday morning are as follows:
After a pretty horrendous night's sleep (due to anxiety and a sudden bout of indigestion -- I wonder how long that Lean Cuisine from dinner had been in my freezer...?), Mom and I were up and at 'em at 6am and at the doctor's by 7am. Dressed in the coziest PJ pants I could find, I made my grand entrance and asked to get the show on the road. Seeing that this is the first procedure with my new doc in FL, all the nurses explained everything in full detail -- and in eerily quiet and calm tones. Little did they know this is hardly new to me -- c'mon, had they not read my chart? It's like the friggin' War & Peace novel of the mouth. No matter; I graciously accepted their advice, concerns, and "Oh, suga! You're going to be just fine!" comments. Now can we puh-lease get a move on? I'm paying good money for that nitrous oxide, so let's get this party started!
After sitting down in the bright white and sterile blue room, Maria, the overseeing nurse for the procedure, waddles in and in her thick Puerto Rican accent assures me everything is going to be okay. She literally straps me to the chair (though cleverly disguised as monitors and IV lines, but I know better), and slaps the blood pressure band around my upper arm. The meter shows no reading; it took her three tries before she gives up and digs for the child-sized one at the bottom of a drawer that hadn't been opened in months. I'm sorry, Maria! ("I have a big head, and little arms!") Finally, it gives her a reading and she proceeds. Next thing I know, the laughing gas mask is being fastened to my face; as I'm instructed to breathe deep, the room slowly becomes fuzzy and I say my last coherent prayers to God that all goes well. Next thing I know, Bobby Darin's "Mack the Knife" comes over the radio and Maria begins bopping (yes, bopping!) around the room... ("Oh the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear....")
As I sop up the gaseous solution in my system, I notice another nurse come through -- her eyes are blood-shot and she's sniveling ever so discretely. As my mind is swirling, my instant reaction is that she's crying and upset about something -- gotta get over that, sweetie. I don't need your tears! Well, it was worse. She had been battling a cold for days, apparently, and it came full on the night before my scheduled procedure. Bwuh-oh. Nevermind, I'll take the tears! All she kept saying is how she felt like "crud" and wanted to go home. (Like I'm in for a real ride to pleasure town, lady.) Nurse Sickly finally got it together, and next thing I know, Maria's in full "hum-mode" to "Baby Come Back." Sing it girl!
The doc finally makes his way into the room and starts to scrub in, when he notices my IV for the anesthesia hasn't been shoved in yet. It takes them 3x's to get a decent vein for it to hold on to, and it hurt like HELL. (In fact, I still look like an ex-herion addict -- thanks a lot, pals). Last thing I remember, the doc and the nurses are giving me final words of encouragement and I feel the general anesthesia blast through my arm...
I don't remember any of the procedure, which is great; my last doc in SC insisted I needed to be awake the final 30min to be sure I'd come out okay. The rest of my Friday consists of tibits and snip-its of nurses making me swallow nasty meds, coming close to barfing up those nasty meds (and to my knowledge, I didn't), somehow guiding mom home through the streets of Jacksonville back to my apartment, and intermittent conversations via phone with John (I think I used full sentences). I do remember waking up around 8pm that night after sleeping all day and wanting to watch a movie; I popped in Pineapple Express and was SO MAD I actually stayed awake through the whole thing. Even on serious pain killers, that movie was pretty damn awful.
As of now, I'm still fairly groggy, mostly because I've slept more in the last 48 hours than I have in the last couple of weeks; my face is also very swollen, which makes my cheeks and lips feel tight and itchy, but no major bruising for now (knock on wood!). I've managed to get a few errands done and take the dogs on nice, brisk walks; it's also nice to move slowly for once and get ready for another long couple of weeks. Whew! Not to mention, it's been nice having Mom around for a couple of days -- my apartment, though small and quaint, gets really lonely sometimes.
And how awesome is THIS?!: Shannon, one of my (fave!) AmeriCorps pals, and her hubby, Jarron, left me a big bouquet of "Get Well" balloons outside my door this morning! And in my (fave!) colors, too: yellow and pink! Nothing says "Cheer Up Soon!" like a big, sparkly heart-shaped balloon (seriously, that's what it says)! Thanks again, Shannon and Jarron!!!! :)
In the midst of everything, I've had a lot of time to think about life and where I hope I'm headed; I've made a few major decisions, but I'll worry you all with that in the next post....
In the meantime, I really do appreciate all the little notes of well wishes -- it's hard being away from the familiar (especially John and family) during these weird parts of life, so it's nice to know you all are out there. :)
My recollections of Friday morning are as follows:
After a pretty horrendous night's sleep (due to anxiety and a sudden bout of indigestion -- I wonder how long that Lean Cuisine from dinner had been in my freezer...?), Mom and I were up and at 'em at 6am and at the doctor's by 7am. Dressed in the coziest PJ pants I could find, I made my grand entrance and asked to get the show on the road. Seeing that this is the first procedure with my new doc in FL, all the nurses explained everything in full detail -- and in eerily quiet and calm tones. Little did they know this is hardly new to me -- c'mon, had they not read my chart? It's like the friggin' War & Peace novel of the mouth. No matter; I graciously accepted their advice, concerns, and "Oh, suga! You're going to be just fine!" comments. Now can we puh-lease get a move on? I'm paying good money for that nitrous oxide, so let's get this party started!
After sitting down in the bright white and sterile blue room, Maria, the overseeing nurse for the procedure, waddles in and in her thick Puerto Rican accent assures me everything is going to be okay. She literally straps me to the chair (though cleverly disguised as monitors and IV lines, but I know better), and slaps the blood pressure band around my upper arm. The meter shows no reading; it took her three tries before she gives up and digs for the child-sized one at the bottom of a drawer that hadn't been opened in months. I'm sorry, Maria! ("I have a big head, and little arms!") Finally, it gives her a reading and she proceeds. Next thing I know, the laughing gas mask is being fastened to my face; as I'm instructed to breathe deep, the room slowly becomes fuzzy and I say my last coherent prayers to God that all goes well. Next thing I know, Bobby Darin's "Mack the Knife" comes over the radio and Maria begins bopping (yes, bopping!) around the room... ("Oh the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear....")
As I sop up the gaseous solution in my system, I notice another nurse come through -- her eyes are blood-shot and she's sniveling ever so discretely. As my mind is swirling, my instant reaction is that she's crying and upset about something -- gotta get over that, sweetie. I don't need your tears! Well, it was worse. She had been battling a cold for days, apparently, and it came full on the night before my scheduled procedure. Bwuh-oh. Nevermind, I'll take the tears! All she kept saying is how she felt like "crud" and wanted to go home. (Like I'm in for a real ride to pleasure town, lady.) Nurse Sickly finally got it together, and next thing I know, Maria's in full "hum-mode" to "Baby Come Back." Sing it girl!
The doc finally makes his way into the room and starts to scrub in, when he notices my IV for the anesthesia hasn't been shoved in yet. It takes them 3x's to get a decent vein for it to hold on to, and it hurt like HELL. (In fact, I still look like an ex-herion addict -- thanks a lot, pals). Last thing I remember, the doc and the nurses are giving me final words of encouragement and I feel the general anesthesia blast through my arm...
I don't remember any of the procedure, which is great; my last doc in SC insisted I needed to be awake the final 30min to be sure I'd come out okay. The rest of my Friday consists of tibits and snip-its of nurses making me swallow nasty meds, coming close to barfing up those nasty meds (and to my knowledge, I didn't), somehow guiding mom home through the streets of Jacksonville back to my apartment, and intermittent conversations via phone with John (I think I used full sentences). I do remember waking up around 8pm that night after sleeping all day and wanting to watch a movie; I popped in Pineapple Express and was SO MAD I actually stayed awake through the whole thing. Even on serious pain killers, that movie was pretty damn awful.
As of now, I'm still fairly groggy, mostly because I've slept more in the last 48 hours than I have in the last couple of weeks; my face is also very swollen, which makes my cheeks and lips feel tight and itchy, but no major bruising for now (knock on wood!). I've managed to get a few errands done and take the dogs on nice, brisk walks; it's also nice to move slowly for once and get ready for another long couple of weeks. Whew! Not to mention, it's been nice having Mom around for a couple of days -- my apartment, though small and quaint, gets really lonely sometimes.
And how awesome is THIS?!: Shannon, one of my (fave!) AmeriCorps pals, and her hubby, Jarron, left me a big bouquet of "Get Well" balloons outside my door this morning! And in my (fave!) colors, too: yellow and pink! Nothing says "Cheer Up Soon!" like a big, sparkly heart-shaped balloon (seriously, that's what it says)! Thanks again, Shannon and Jarron!!!! :)
In the midst of everything, I've had a lot of time to think about life and where I hope I'm headed; I've made a few major decisions, but I'll worry you all with that in the next post....
In the meantime, I really do appreciate all the little notes of well wishes -- it's hard being away from the familiar (especially John and family) during these weird parts of life, so it's nice to know you all are out there. :)
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I Missed History Because the Printer Was Broken.
I think I'm the only one who didn't get that mind-boggling feeling of transition today; things always take a while to sink in with me, and I like to see things unfold before I allow the hype to catch up in my mind. Part of me was very excited at the thought that I'll be able to tell my kids about this moment (hmm, kids?...); the other part of me was slightly overwhelmed with the circus of an inauguration. I'm kind of glad my TV's been out of commission. I think I would've turned most of it off anyways throughout most of the weekend. Overall, I'd like to be clear that I'm very unclear about my political declarations. I'm just glad the craziness will begin to subside and we can get down to business now -- this economy sucks and mama needs a new pair of shoes!
But did Mrs. Obama look stunning! I would love to get a hold of that delicious yellow number she wore today; wouldn't I be a lemondrop dream in that?
Now that Obama's sitting pretty over Washington, I've got bigger fish to fry. As a few of you know, I'm now in year 4 of extensive oral-facial reconstruction. I'll spare you the whole story, but I've been through an endless series of dental braces and surgeries with no end in sight until now (target end date = June 2009). I'm having another procedure done this Friday, and I'm nervous for all the obvious reasons and then some. I'm having a connective tissue graft on two locations, complemented by artificial bone grafting (the last couple of times they harvested my own bone, but I guess I'm running short?). They'll also replace two of the implants that failed over the summer; I've had to wait for current bone/gum to heal for several months before we could proceed. And the time is upon us! I'm nervous about the obnoxious pain that comes with the whole thing, but also about getting behind at work. I'm not a good patient; I have a hard time knowing how to recover. Not to mention, I ALWAYS swell like a blister in heat and bruise like mad, so we'll see what level of hideousness I can reach this time.... I'm glad my mom's coming for the weekend, though. I hate asking others to help me, but my mama owes me one! ;)
I actually wrote a post the other night but realized it sounded too pretentious and mildly depressing. I'm having some real issues with my site that are ultimately transcending within myself; it goes beyond the typical burn-out, and I'm at the point where I need to take a step back - but feel like I can't.
Needless to say, I scrapped it and decided to do something that always tends to entertain: surveys! I used to be ridiculously addicted to these during my MySpace days, but I can't remember the last time I did one of these. I stumbled on one through a recent Facebook post by a friend, and thought I'd give it a try. Bare with me - I'm rusty.
last time you smiled?: When a young man held the door open for me on the way out of the gym and called me "ma'am" with a darling smile. Sometimes, I just love the South.
would you ever change for the person you love?: Myself? Get real. Underwear? You bet.
do you get enough sleep at night?: As opposed to the day? In either case, just barely enough (someone keeps stealing my pillow at the office).
what's the favorite thing about what you're wearing?: No zippers! Elastic! Fuzzy unknown material that keeps me oh-so warm!
does it take a lot to make you cry?: I'm a maverick, and maverick's don't cry.
are you currently disappointed in someone right now?: The little tart who made my chai tea at Starbucks this afternoon; it was pretty friggin' awful. I finally try to branch out from my usual pumpkin spiced latte, and that's what I get?!
are you married?: Shut your dirty pirate hooker mouth.
do you think you failed in life?: I'm going to kick your ass, survey.
how many people do you trust with your life?: I have a life?
what is your reason to smile right now?: Sean Luca, my chubby Chihuahua, snoring like a sloppy old man.
do you think you can love someone without trusting them?: I love Jose (Cuervo) and Jack (Daniels), but I know they're not good for me. I just want to be cool!
do you have a lot of good friends or a few best friends?: I have friends?
did you hold hands with anyone recently?: Cha', you know that's the easiest way to transfer germs. Ga-rose!
have you ever been asked out by someone you didn't want to date?: Usually by females. Seriousness.
if you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?: Back to the Starbucks that gave me the shitty chai and demand my $3.17 back.
if someone offered you $80,000 to marry them for a year, would you?: Isn't that how most marriages work anyways? As long as I don't have to crank out little brats, let's go!
if a stranger asked you to take a picture with them what would you do?: Fart.
what keeps you awake at night?: Sean Luca snoring like a sloppy old man. It cracks me up!
why does a rose represent love if a rose always dies?: You're an idiot, survey. Diamonds represent love, and diamonds are forever (and a girl's best friend, as I've heard). Roses represent "You're stank, I hope this covers up your stench through this date."
if someone who you didn't love spilled their heart to you what would you do?: Fart.
have you ever been called useless?: At my service site - not directly, but I take hints too well.
when was the last time you cried hard?: Let's see, on the 12th of NEVERRRR.
do your parents still treat you as though you are a child?: Whatever, I practically raised my entire family. I rule that roost, homie!
what do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up?: Sex, drugs, and pumpkin spiced lattes.
does it bother you when someone doesn't text you back?: Of course - I mean, I reveal my inner most being through text! I expect some philosophical insight in return!
do you think it is a sign of weakness to cry?: Okay, I'm done.
Hmm, not bad for a first try in a while. I'm sure I'll have more to report soon, seeing I'll be stuck in bed for 72 hours. Please send love and booze as you see necessary. ;)
But did Mrs. Obama look stunning! I would love to get a hold of that delicious yellow number she wore today; wouldn't I be a lemondrop dream in that?
Now that Obama's sitting pretty over Washington, I've got bigger fish to fry. As a few of you know, I'm now in year 4 of extensive oral-facial reconstruction. I'll spare you the whole story, but I've been through an endless series of dental braces and surgeries with no end in sight until now (target end date = June 2009). I'm having another procedure done this Friday, and I'm nervous for all the obvious reasons and then some. I'm having a connective tissue graft on two locations, complemented by artificial bone grafting (the last couple of times they harvested my own bone, but I guess I'm running short?). They'll also replace two of the implants that failed over the summer; I've had to wait for current bone/gum to heal for several months before we could proceed. And the time is upon us! I'm nervous about the obnoxious pain that comes with the whole thing, but also about getting behind at work. I'm not a good patient; I have a hard time knowing how to recover. Not to mention, I ALWAYS swell like a blister in heat and bruise like mad, so we'll see what level of hideousness I can reach this time.... I'm glad my mom's coming for the weekend, though. I hate asking others to help me, but my mama owes me one! ;)
I actually wrote a post the other night but realized it sounded too pretentious and mildly depressing. I'm having some real issues with my site that are ultimately transcending within myself; it goes beyond the typical burn-out, and I'm at the point where I need to take a step back - but feel like I can't.
Needless to say, I scrapped it and decided to do something that always tends to entertain: surveys! I used to be ridiculously addicted to these during my MySpace days, but I can't remember the last time I did one of these. I stumbled on one through a recent Facebook post by a friend, and thought I'd give it a try. Bare with me - I'm rusty.
last time you smiled?: When a young man held the door open for me on the way out of the gym and called me "ma'am" with a darling smile. Sometimes, I just love the South.
would you ever change for the person you love?: Myself? Get real. Underwear? You bet.
do you get enough sleep at night?: As opposed to the day? In either case, just barely enough (someone keeps stealing my pillow at the office).
what's the favorite thing about what you're wearing?: No zippers! Elastic! Fuzzy unknown material that keeps me oh-so warm!
does it take a lot to make you cry?: I'm a maverick, and maverick's don't cry.
are you currently disappointed in someone right now?: The little tart who made my chai tea at Starbucks this afternoon; it was pretty friggin' awful. I finally try to branch out from my usual pumpkin spiced latte, and that's what I get?!
are you married?: Shut your dirty pirate hooker mouth.
do you think you failed in life?: I'm going to kick your ass, survey.
how many people do you trust with your life?: I have a life?
what is your reason to smile right now?: Sean Luca, my chubby Chihuahua, snoring like a sloppy old man.
do you think you can love someone without trusting them?: I love Jose (Cuervo) and Jack (Daniels), but I know they're not good for me. I just want to be cool!
do you have a lot of good friends or a few best friends?: I have friends?
did you hold hands with anyone recently?: Cha', you know that's the easiest way to transfer germs. Ga-rose!
have you ever been asked out by someone you didn't want to date?: Usually by females. Seriousness.
if you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?: Back to the Starbucks that gave me the shitty chai and demand my $3.17 back.
if someone offered you $80,000 to marry them for a year, would you?: Isn't that how most marriages work anyways? As long as I don't have to crank out little brats, let's go!
if a stranger asked you to take a picture with them what would you do?: Fart.
what keeps you awake at night?: Sean Luca snoring like a sloppy old man. It cracks me up!
why does a rose represent love if a rose always dies?: You're an idiot, survey. Diamonds represent love, and diamonds are forever (and a girl's best friend, as I've heard). Roses represent "You're stank, I hope this covers up your stench through this date."
if someone who you didn't love spilled their heart to you what would you do?: Fart.
have you ever been called useless?: At my service site - not directly, but I take hints too well.
when was the last time you cried hard?: Let's see, on the 12th of NEVERRRR.
do your parents still treat you as though you are a child?: Whatever, I practically raised my entire family. I rule that roost, homie!
what do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up?: Sex, drugs, and pumpkin spiced lattes.
does it bother you when someone doesn't text you back?: Of course - I mean, I reveal my inner most being through text! I expect some philosophical insight in return!
do you think it is a sign of weakness to cry?: Okay, I'm done.
Hmm, not bad for a first try in a while. I'm sure I'll have more to report soon, seeing I'll be stuck in bed for 72 hours. Please send love and booze as you see necessary. ;)
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Carrie Bradshaw Ruined This Experience for Me.
I'm suffering from another case of literary nausea; I feel the word vomit coming up, but I'm trying to keep it down... I can't seem to collect my thoughts, and it's invariably made me sick to my stomach. I need a retreat. Or at least a real weekend off. Once I get that nonsense together, I'll do my best to update; well, as long as my head's not in the toilet bowl of life.
(I just typed "life" as "lofe" and for some reason I cracked up for about five seconds. I really need to get to bed.)
I've become that horrible stereotype that's made so many chic flicks unnecessarily popular: The young 20-something, somewhat attractive with a quirky sense of humor and style, freezer full of Healthy Choice frozen entrees, wallet empty, living in a cramp apartment all on her own (except for a couple of ridiculous small dogs) and trying to figure out life. This might be kind of cool if I were reveling around NYC in designer clothes and had 3 friends I met up with frequently for raunchy-talk and cosmos; but sadly, I end most of my days in an old sorority tshirt and funny under-roos, lucky to sip cabernet sauvignon out of my dollar store plastic cups if Publix had any deals on wine from the past week. At least I have my romantic notions -- this year of service will hopefully make me a little more interesting and provide me with a little more substance.
At my site I've recently been buried under a sea of paperwork and the weight of projects that get started but never seem to culminate, and I've started looking for excuses to get out of the office and remind myself why I'm here - why I'm in the AmeriCorps, why I'm in Jacksonville, why I'm constantly in pants I actually have to zip (we will meet again, my dear stretchy pants). I went out to one of our schools to take pictures of a recent fitness "challenge" for the week, and had some interesting conversations with the youngin's. Here's my favorite of the day:
Little Boy: (to me) "I think you're pretty."
Me: "No way! Thank you - You're not so bad yourself."
Sassy Girl: "Don't listen to him! He thinks every girl is pretty! He even tells girls they're h-o-t..."
Me: "Ummm..."
LB: "Not-uh! I only tell my one girlfriend she's hot!"
SG: "You're too young for that mess! We're only in kindergarten!"
LB: (to me) "Well, you'se see, my girlfriend and I have been girlfriend and boyfriend since we were two, so we're marrying already."
Me: "You're nuts - I'm 23 and not even married!"
LB: "It's okay. You just need to find a handsome boy! You can do it."
SG: "WOW! You look good for 23! Everyone I know who's 23 is FAT!"
Me: *laughs for about 5min straight*
If kindergartners have a little faith in me, no sense I shouldn't invest some in myself. :)
On that note, I'd better find my fleece blanket... I still haven't turned on the heat in my apt and it's supposed to be 28 degrees tonight. Florida's so weird.
(I just typed "life" as "lofe" and for some reason I cracked up for about five seconds. I really need to get to bed.)
I've become that horrible stereotype that's made so many chic flicks unnecessarily popular: The young 20-something, somewhat attractive with a quirky sense of humor and style, freezer full of Healthy Choice frozen entrees, wallet empty, living in a cramp apartment all on her own (except for a couple of ridiculous small dogs) and trying to figure out life. This might be kind of cool if I were reveling around NYC in designer clothes and had 3 friends I met up with frequently for raunchy-talk and cosmos; but sadly, I end most of my days in an old sorority tshirt and funny under-roos, lucky to sip cabernet sauvignon out of my dollar store plastic cups if Publix had any deals on wine from the past week. At least I have my romantic notions -- this year of service will hopefully make me a little more interesting and provide me with a little more substance.
At my site I've recently been buried under a sea of paperwork and the weight of projects that get started but never seem to culminate, and I've started looking for excuses to get out of the office and remind myself why I'm here - why I'm in the AmeriCorps, why I'm in Jacksonville, why I'm constantly in pants I actually have to zip (we will meet again, my dear stretchy pants). I went out to one of our schools to take pictures of a recent fitness "challenge" for the week, and had some interesting conversations with the youngin's. Here's my favorite of the day:
Little Boy: (to me) "I think you're pretty."
Me: "No way! Thank you - You're not so bad yourself."
Sassy Girl: "Don't listen to him! He thinks every girl is pretty! He even tells girls they're h-o-t..."
Me: "Ummm..."
LB: "Not-uh! I only tell my one girlfriend she's hot!"
SG: "You're too young for that mess! We're only in kindergarten!"
LB: (to me) "Well, you'se see, my girlfriend and I have been girlfriend and boyfriend since we were two, so we're marrying already."
Me: "You're nuts - I'm 23 and not even married!"
LB: "It's okay. You just need to find a handsome boy! You can do it."
SG: "WOW! You look good for 23! Everyone I know who's 23 is FAT!"
Me: *laughs for about 5min straight*
If kindergartners have a little faith in me, no sense I shouldn't invest some in myself. :)
On that note, I'd better find my fleece blanket... I still haven't turned on the heat in my apt and it's supposed to be 28 degrees tonight. Florida's so weird.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Entering the days of yore.
So the cold weather finally made its way back around, and I'm not so sure how I feel about that. After all, no one moves to FL for the cold. Take that mess back north, please!
2009 is already moving faster than I expected, and I can't seem to keep up. I'm in the office from 8:30am until at least 6pm most days, and I still have crap loads of little things that keep piling up. I'm happy that I'm busy and doing lots of interesting things; but at the same time, I'm nervous it's going to be all a blur and maybe my time with the AmeriCorps never amounted to that level I hoped (a very high level, mind you). The "half-way" point of my term is slowly approaching, and I can't believe how I went from bored, lonely, and frustrated a few months ago to productive, safe, and... well, okay, still frustrated. But not as much.
About a month ago, I became pretty serious about tacking on a second AmeriCorps term. I just feel like I'm working a lot and starting some really neat projects, and I'd hate not to at least see those projects get off the ground. But in truth, I also feel like even if I did, those projects will never be appreciated the way I had hoped. It's not to sound like a Debbie, but it's just the nature of the program, the nature of my site, and the nature of the people I work with. I've decided to be content with the work I've put in, the contacts I've made, and the progress I've gone through as a "young professional" and a person. Plus, I'm getting paid practically nothing to do all this -- I may as well save my big guns for when I'm getting paid the big bucks. That way, even if no one appreciates it, I can still treat myself to a new pair of Versace shades afterwards... ;)
Spotlight: this one goes out to Erin and Joel, the recent couple with whom I've become their third wheel. They live right down the street from me (literally - a three min drive!), and I've been fortunate to maintain an ounce of a social life with their help. Erin is a recent ex-AmeriCorps member (sounds more hardcore than "alumni"), and poor Joel puts up with our onslaughts of AmeriCorps bitchin' (it happens). They spoiled me this weekend with a showing of Benjamin Button, a few delicious pints (yes, of beer... sweet, sweet beer), and an interesting time at the new Irish pub down the street. It's nice to know that maybe even if my workers don't recognize the work I do, at least there are a few inherently lovely people who do. (Maybe it takes one to know one, eh?) So, Erin and Joel, this one's for you!
The segue: Erin and Joel recently let me borrow this book called The Secret. I don't want to give it all away (partly because I'm only half-way done and don't quite fully understand all of it myself), but it's all about positive thinking, good mind energy, and the law of attraction = you think good thoughts, good things will happen; you think bad thoughts, expect some serrrrrious doom and gloooom.... It's nothing totally brilliant, but I like the message. I've recently experimented with The Secret, and I can't really tell if it's working just yet (I know: "Shun the non-believer!"). But one thing I liked: It says to get back to our positive way of thinking, even during tough times, we need to have "Secret Shifters" = things that guide us back to good thoughts in an instant (our "Happy Place", as it were). These can be happy memories, a favorite song, pictures of family and friends, etc. As I read it, I realized that we all have these "shifters" we hastily turn to in rough times, some "deeper" than others, obviously. Here are my top favorite quick-fixin' shifters (remember, not to be confused with "my favorite things", though they quite frequently end up on that list, too):
With that, I'm going to get ready for bed a little early tonight... It's too cold in here to do anything productive anyways.
2009 is already moving faster than I expected, and I can't seem to keep up. I'm in the office from 8:30am until at least 6pm most days, and I still have crap loads of little things that keep piling up. I'm happy that I'm busy and doing lots of interesting things; but at the same time, I'm nervous it's going to be all a blur and maybe my time with the AmeriCorps never amounted to that level I hoped (a very high level, mind you). The "half-way" point of my term is slowly approaching, and I can't believe how I went from bored, lonely, and frustrated a few months ago to productive, safe, and... well, okay, still frustrated. But not as much.
About a month ago, I became pretty serious about tacking on a second AmeriCorps term. I just feel like I'm working a lot and starting some really neat projects, and I'd hate not to at least see those projects get off the ground. But in truth, I also feel like even if I did, those projects will never be appreciated the way I had hoped. It's not to sound like a Debbie, but it's just the nature of the program, the nature of my site, and the nature of the people I work with. I've decided to be content with the work I've put in, the contacts I've made, and the progress I've gone through as a "young professional" and a person. Plus, I'm getting paid practically nothing to do all this -- I may as well save my big guns for when I'm getting paid the big bucks. That way, even if no one appreciates it, I can still treat myself to a new pair of Versace shades afterwards... ;)
Spotlight: this one goes out to Erin and Joel, the recent couple with whom I've become their third wheel. They live right down the street from me (literally - a three min drive!), and I've been fortunate to maintain an ounce of a social life with their help. Erin is a recent ex-AmeriCorps member (sounds more hardcore than "alumni"), and poor Joel puts up with our onslaughts of AmeriCorps bitchin' (it happens). They spoiled me this weekend with a showing of Benjamin Button, a few delicious pints (yes, of beer... sweet, sweet beer), and an interesting time at the new Irish pub down the street. It's nice to know that maybe even if my workers don't recognize the work I do, at least there are a few inherently lovely people who do. (Maybe it takes one to know one, eh?) So, Erin and Joel, this one's for you!
The segue: Erin and Joel recently let me borrow this book called The Secret. I don't want to give it all away (partly because I'm only half-way done and don't quite fully understand all of it myself), but it's all about positive thinking, good mind energy, and the law of attraction = you think good thoughts, good things will happen; you think bad thoughts, expect some serrrrrious doom and gloooom.... It's nothing totally brilliant, but I like the message. I've recently experimented with The Secret, and I can't really tell if it's working just yet (I know: "Shun the non-believer!"). But one thing I liked: It says to get back to our positive way of thinking, even during tough times, we need to have "Secret Shifters" = things that guide us back to good thoughts in an instant (our "Happy Place", as it were). These can be happy memories, a favorite song, pictures of family and friends, etc. As I read it, I realized that we all have these "shifters" we hastily turn to in rough times, some "deeper" than others, obviously. Here are my top favorite quick-fixin' shifters (remember, not to be confused with "my favorite things", though they quite frequently end up on that list, too):
- Quick, "Oh, no reason!" calls to/from John.
- Audrey Hepburn movies (time permitting).
- The following songs: "Cecilia" by Simon and Garfunkel, "Send Me On My Way" by Rusted Root, "A Sunday Smile" and "Scenic World" by Beirut, and "I Like Big Butts" by Sir Mix-A-Lot. I mean this with all seriousness.
- Post Secret (obviously, this is an exclusive Sunday shifter)
- Target
- Facebook notifications; sad, but true.
- Starbucks Pumpkin Spiced Lattes.
- My Chihuahuaaaaas.
- Cabernet sauvignon (moderation, please).
- Flipping through pictures from Greece.
- Reading the "Strictly Platonic" or "Missed Encounters" on Craig's List.
- Stetchy pants!!!
- And of course, writing here. :)
With that, I'm going to get ready for bed a little early tonight... It's too cold in here to do anything productive anyways.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Without Further Ado.....
I'm not sure how I let such a lapse in blog posts to occur -- I'm fairly diligent when it comes to my creative outlets, but I s'pose even our innermost needs to express ourselves tend to go on vacation, too. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've sat down over the last three weeks to post something wildly brilliant (or mildly entertaining), but would be interrupted with sugary treats and hopes of a favorite game or festive movie. I've had a lot going on with Christmas and the New Year, but sometimes those delicious sentiment-filled goodies and potential moments of family drama and hilariousness keep me distracted. I'm not sure which one I fancy savoring more.
My hiatus was needed. Sometimes we all need to sign-off. But I do apologize for not adequately entertaining Sarah O. at work.... for that, I feel very slack indeed!
The holidays were busy and not quite as relaxing (or long) as I had hoped, but overall I think it was a smashing success and I'm content rolling into this new year. Perhaps it's better that the holiday break left me wanting more than thinking "Dear GOD - Is it over yet?!" My only complaint is that I only got to see John collectively for really only a week and a half, and just two days out of that were completely alone together. I won't get to see him for at least another six weeks.... But we're at the half-way mark of this whole "being [physically] apart" deal, which is good to know -- if the first half went by quickly, this next half will be a breeze. :)
Some of my highlights/interesting points of the break (in no random order):
Again, I had a lot to write about, but I feel mentally constipated trying to organize my thoughts from the last few weeks.
But it's 2009 and I'll hopefully have plenty of new thoughts and experiences to share with you all. I may start doing more smaller posts instead of a few big ones. We'll see how the mood strikes me.
With that, I'm exhausted. It's January and I have to turn the AC on full blast to get comfortable for bed. Weird? Weird. Hello, Florida!
Comments appreciated, but not necessary. How the heck have you all been?! I love holiday stories...
My hiatus was needed. Sometimes we all need to sign-off. But I do apologize for not adequately entertaining Sarah O. at work.... for that, I feel very slack indeed!
The holidays were busy and not quite as relaxing (or long) as I had hoped, but overall I think it was a smashing success and I'm content rolling into this new year. Perhaps it's better that the holiday break left me wanting more than thinking "Dear GOD - Is it over yet?!" My only complaint is that I only got to see John collectively for really only a week and a half, and just two days out of that were completely alone together. I won't get to see him for at least another six weeks.... But we're at the half-way mark of this whole "being [physically] apart" deal, which is good to know -- if the first half went by quickly, this next half will be a breeze. :)
Some of my highlights/interesting points of the break (in no random order):
- Tatiana, the crazy Russian lady, decided not to spend Christmas with us. I wonder why. It couldn't have been the awkward conversations and freaking out about her weird cooking, could it?
- I actually had a pretty disheartening Christmas Eve - nothing particularly dramatic or awful, but just it turned out to be a constant slew of reminders that I'll always be on the periphery of certain circles near and dear to my heart... no matter how I try, I always wind up being placed in the "Other" category. It just goes to show I'm not as interesting or full of substance as I hoped. Not sure why I decided to throw this in here. But just so you're aware.
- My Christmas morning started at 5:30am with the Carrolls. It was painful, and I'm pretty sure even dear Lord baby Jesus wasn't even up yet. But it was probably one of my favorite Christmas mornings to date. I got some great new clothes and Audrey Hepburn paraphernalia from my parents and some swanky new jewelry and housewares from the Carrolls. John got me Mama Mia (Special Edition!) and a plane ticket for later in the spring. :)
- I gained a solid 5lbs from lack of exercise and lots of good eatin'. Working it off is going to be so worth it!
- The Nebraska Cornhuskers defeated the Clemson Tigers right in my own backyard here in Jax -- WHOO HOO! As some of you know, I was a Big Red fan long before I was a Gamecock. My granddad played for UNL (University of Nebraska at Lincoln) and eventually became their team doctor for a ridiculously long time, and my dad graduated from UNL. The game was FREEZING, but John and I had blast. :) Husker Power!
- Finally got to explore the Jacksonville Zoo -- not quite the Riverbanks Zoo, but it definitely was neat. They have WAY too many snakes for my liking (many of which are native to FL - eek!), but they also have this real dork of a bird I caught on tape being... well, spastic. When I get that uploaded, you should check it out....
- Minh got to experience my family as a whole for the first time. I'm not sure if she'll ever hang out with me again... but I think she kept up like a champ and now I have someone to vouch for the Goetowski Gang and it's constant craziness.
- It's been in the mid to high 70s for the last two weeks straight. Global warming? Maybe. Celia's kind of winter - absolutely!
- I had my epiphany about graduate school; and as that gets underway, I'll be sure to update you all with that. Considering any schools actually accept me.
Again, I had a lot to write about, but I feel mentally constipated trying to organize my thoughts from the last few weeks.
But it's 2009 and I'll hopefully have plenty of new thoughts and experiences to share with you all. I may start doing more smaller posts instead of a few big ones. We'll see how the mood strikes me.
With that, I'm exhausted. It's January and I have to turn the AC on full blast to get comfortable for bed. Weird? Weird. Hello, Florida!
Comments appreciated, but not necessary. How the heck have you all been?! I love holiday stories...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
