The Gift & Burden of Perspective

WARNING:
The following post is like an abstract piece of art - either you'll love and appreciate it, or wonder WHAT THA HALL were these people were thinking? Either way, that is the gift of being able to interpret it for yourself. Or at least give you something to read and look busy, and important (because you are).

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I have lived my life with an ardent need for perspective. I accept new opportunities and seek new adventures for the chance to experience something I've never felt or seen or sensed before. Indeed, it has kept me propelling forward, always exploring potential interests and blurting an excited "Yes!" without question. My insatiable appetite for feeling Life in its fullest has been one of my biggest blessings - and, ironically, my biggest curse.

As my lifelong quest for the new and exciting amplified with the world becoming seemingly larger and more interesting, I suddenly became a slave to my own need for travel. To attending every function. To being everybody's friend. To being the rockstar member of clubs and teams and boards and communities. To trying to stack my little experiences in a giant, lumbering tower hoping that, one day, my efforts would result in one big, HUGE opportunity of a lifetime. I didn't know what it would be, but I knew it was coming.

The problem?

It was coming from the wrong place.

My intentions were kind of stupid.

A little selfish, a little pretentious - a lot of "what's in it for me."

Though I have an honest need to serve and feel the duty to your fellow man is one of Life's highest priorities, I fell farther and farther away from that once beloved feeling of getting my hands dirty and truly listening to people's stories, learning far more from their tones than the words that poured from their mouths and their hearts.

Instead, I saw the  glitzy, flashing world spinning around me, wanting desperately to be a part, not knowing where to jump in. Thus, I began this horrible journey down the path of comparison - trying to keep up with the surge that then tipped the scales away from the dreams I thought I wanted to fulfill. Selfish dreams, perhaps, but damnit - I was owed these things in life, right? I worked hard, I followed the rules, I valued courtesy and decency, I never took the easy route, and I never slowed down... this is what a "successful" person makes, I determined.

Or, at least, that's what society said had told me.

The pieces of that wall of "success" started slowly falling away, in moments of humility or realization of what I have - and always did - and those moments of reflection on what in Life was going to give me the truest sensation of fulfillment. This fulfillment, mind you, is not the cliche "happiness" that those overly scripty Pinterest graphics tell us we need to seek. Rather, it's a maximization of talent, purposefulness, joy, surrender, and gratitude. 

It's about choice.

I often find my most powerful way of shedding the anxieties and unwinding the tangles of frustration is the art of the evening walk. With my little four-legged, barrel-chested, fuzzy old man, I don my most comfortable, worn-in shoes and venture out onto the busy street of our little city and over to the Capital grounds. The quiet metronome of his collar tag jingle guides my stream of consciousness in a comfortable, familiar rhythm with our footsteps, loosening the knots and providing a soothing yet exhausting release. In the 15-20min it takes to circle the perimeter, I've left behind (most of) the parts that serve me no more, and take what remaining time I have left in the day to feel at peace with what was. Again, a new perspective.

A glass of wine and a repeat episode of an old favorite on the couch with the hubs often doesn't hurt with that, too.

Philosopher and Emperor Marcus Aurelius, author of Meditations, said, "Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself and your way of thinking." It takes practice - lots and LOTS of practice - but shutting down the devices and stepping into oneself... it's where the practice begins.

So, what then, is a happy life?

I have no idea.

But I have a feeling it's the realization of moments in which time, space, connection, joy, and fulfillment collide in a real, almost tangible way. And it's not doing so for "likes" on a post or to situate yourself above others. It's not about adding filters of false perspective to impress passerby's. It is, I'd like to think, the strike of the purest sensation of a brief moment, like when that first sip of coffee hits your gut and tells your brain, "It's a NEWWWW daaaay!"

In the moments where I feel the most helpless to make any impact on the devastating things happening in the world; in the times where I feel like I don't stack up; in the periods where I second guess the positive I've tried contributing to the world, I disconnect and then reconnect - whether with an old friend, a trusted loved one, my camera, my kitchen table and coffee, my yoga mat, or even my own self. Because in these moments we can reach a sense of hope, and this "hope" helps subside the fear of it all. I think some would criticize that it's pretty lame to think that an interaction with one good person or one good moment of peace can simply brush off all the million things wrong with the world.

It doesn't.
But it's a step in a healthy direction.
And those collective experiences can create a magnificent tower to one big, wonderful, meaningful moment... coming from a good place. Built by positive, well-intentioned connections. A commitment of no longer retreating into a place of self-doubt and pity parties, but stepping into oneself to actualize a path to something pretty frickin' amazing.

May you always settle into your thoughts,
but NEVER into anything less than what you're capable of or for friends who don't value you for it.
(This also includes cheap vodka - cheap wine, on the other hand, is acceptable.)

I'm proud of you all.
I mean it.

Hugs & High Fives,
C

Breakfast at Target Does "The Whole 30" - Part 2

Good HEAVENS, friends.

I can't believe how many awesome people I've connected with since my first Whole 30 post a few weeks back. Seriously, one thing I love about this odd little excuse for a blog is the really cool people who stumble upon it and let us sit at the cool table of the internet.

As you recall, the first post focused on my overall experience: how I weathered the thirty day storm of detoxing and rewiring my brain (and gut) to consume more whole, healthy options. It's easy to get caught up in the downsides of the program while you're deep in the throws of it; but once you step back and reflect, the Whole 30 is life changing regardless of what you do on Day 31 and beyond.

I had originally planned a very different "Part 2"; but after the feedback from friends and new guests to Breakfast at Target, I tossed it and took it a new direction. You can read for yourself on the Whole 30 website and the accompanying book It Starts With Food all the do's, don'ts, expectations, knowledge-bombs, and nitty-gritty, down-and-dirty details you need to set your sails on the Whole 30 high seas. However, there were some things that, even though mentioned in some capacity in the resources available, made more impact on my experience than I expected.

Of course, to compliment the first post, I had to add the artistically crafted masterpieces to go along with it. We all know true art takes time, so I very much appreciated your patience as I worked tirelessly to make this post totally kick-a$$.

:: Breakfast at Target Does The Whole 30 - Part 2 ::

1. You will acquire superhero like wine tasting senses.

I actually did the Whole 35 - I was so nervous to reintroduce anything and was loving my Whole 30 nirvana I kept up a few extra days. When an opportunity to enjoy a wonderful meal at one of our favorite swanky farm-to-table places came up, I couldn't turn it down. We ordered a bottle of the featured Pinot Noir from northern Pacific coast - from the first whiff I swear I felt transported to the winery in Oregon. The cool, arid grapes danced on my tongue, greeted by the songs of the black cherry notes that floated in my nostrils and the dark wood barrel bounced over the chorus a'la the classic sing-a-longs of my youth.

Y'ALL.

I went into a lucid state of pure sensory overload, a happy blend of masterful taste sensations colliding with my thoroughly polished palate from 35 days of no alcohol consumption. The best part? It wasn't an "addictive" feeling of instant satisfaction; it was really tasting the ingredients and being fully aware of how it complimented the meal and the occasion. I learned I could create this experience over and over by doing a "Whole 7", maybe a "Whole 5" leading up to whatever opportunity to enjoy a really good glass of wine. The cleaner your system, the more heightened the sensation. 

Does this make me a lush? Maybe. 

Let's meet for happy hour to find out.

2. The food that was hardest to eat was the one that had faces.

I'm sure there were some red-blooded, hearty folks who LOVED that animal protein was such a significant part of the Whole 30 program. For me, this was one of the hardest parts to accept. I had been predominantly vegetarian for many years of my life, mostly due to the fact I don't agree with factory farming and the accepted industrial meat production standards. By not buying or eating meat, I didn't have to deal with the constant conflict of not being sure how the animals and workers were treated to get the products to my table. 

My pre-Whole 30 trip to the grocery store was nerve-wracking enough as it was, but I had a mental breakdown when I got to the meat section. I chose a store that "guaranteed" its organic products and sustainable practices, but my hesitation and suspicion still led me to read every. freaking. label. in the aisle. I stocked our fridge with the best meat we could afford (and that I felt confident enough to prepare) - yet it took me a while to get comfortable eating meat, and lots of it, again.

Worse was being away from the comforts and safety of my home kitchen, being at dinner with family or friends and not knowing where the meat came from - and not wanting to be a jerk asking all kinds of questions. I could often determine how kosher the meat was based on a few quick, seemingly harmless inquiries to the house host or the waiter. If it felt questionable, I opted for the most modifiable vegetarian option available, scrambling a few eggs when I got home or keeping snack bags full of nuts in my purse to get the protein I needed later. Dramatic? Probably. But the program itself is pretty over-the-top, so it was just one more step to make sure I completed the program in terms of its definition of success, as well as mine.

 3. Beware the saboteurs - especially the ones you least suspect.

When it was time to start my Whole 30 program, I explained it to a few people in my immediate circles, more-so because I wanted them to hold me accountable. People were mostly supportive, if not simply indifferent; but then there were people who are normally trusted, empathetic friends and colleagues who thought it was total hullaballoo. I told myself it was because they didn't really understand the point of the whole thing or how it worked in the first place. But the sarcastic comments and attempts to see me fail were very direct, often hurtful. It made the program that much harder, and often times I wanted to give in not because I actually wanted the non-Whole 30 food in front of me, but because I wanted the taunting and the snide comments to stop. 

I never did give in, though. The finish line was always in mind. I had to remind myself that food has such a deep-rooted significance in so many social and cultural settings. By, in theory, "refusing" the food at an event or gathering - birthday cake, grandma's mac 'n cheese, specially chosen wine, etc. - I was, in a sense, "refusing" to be part of the celebration. By not eating the "bad" foods, it came across like I "knew better" about what and how to eat... it was often exhausting explaining the Whole 30 and getting met with angst about it. But there's a quote in the ISWF book that guided me any time I wanted to cave: "There are no cheats, only choices." At the end of the day, I'm the only one solely responsible for what I allow on my plate and into my mouth... and for that, it was never worth giving in to the haters.

I can promise to those in the middle of their Whole 30 right now, the victory tastes far, FAR sweeter when you get to Day 30 with a clean conscience.

4. Bless you, Whole 30 angels in disguise.

Remember those supporters I told you about? I could not have done it without them. Even more surprising was the people who I avoided even mentioning the Whole 30 for fear of ridicule who turned out to be my biggest advocates. They prepared special Whole 30 approved versions meals, asked questions about menu options and sources on my behalf, provided alternatives so I still felt part of the experience, and often checked in on my progress. They listened in my times of frustration; they reminded me of why I started - to kick my sugar addition, to create better habits, to ensure a happier me - and, without fail, in the times I needed it the most.

More excitingly so, by having to make conscious and active decisions around them, they started seeing what all went into a Whole 30 adventure - and they wanted to start their own. I don't want to say I "inspired" others to do it; but let's get real, if a bumbling blonde such as myself can pull it off with great results, what's to stop the next guy? (The answer: Not a ding-dang thing, folks.)

5. There's a big, happy Whole 30 community out there - jump right in.

I was a total Whole 30 martyr when I first starting - lamenting my inability to drink my nightly wine, having to give up my morning toast, OOOOH WOOOE IS MEEEEE. Once I got tired of my own whining, I realized I was doing so because I felt pretty isolated. I also felt awkward every time I went out to eat with friends, modifying menu options until they were unrecognizable. Truth is, I didn't understand what my Whole 30 friends were going through when they did it - and not many understood me as I trudged through the experience myself. 

One thing I wish I had done way, WAY sooner is to make connections with the (official and approved!) Whole 30 community far and wide - Whole 30 alumni, super stars, all-stars, gurus, and current rookies like myself. With email newsletters, social media outlets (I've been incredibly impressed with their Facebook and Instagram), and official online resources galore, I had no excuse to feel like I couldn't find support. Once I did, I learned so much and got excited when people found their successes and shared their knowledge. So explore and connect, and if you can, find a Whole 30 buddy to help you stay focused and excited about your progress!

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So what's happened since the Whole 30? 

It's been a few months now since I completed it, and here's where I am:

• John and I have mostly adopted a paleo-based diet at home; we still keep some grains on hand (low-sugar cereals, whole wheat bread, etc) as we're pretty active, working out 4-6x's a week. After some trial and error, I just found we needed the quick carbs for super early morning workouts.
• Black coffee was too much for me to handle; it felt like I was drinking battery acid. So now we use a splash of coconut milk in our coffee - it's made all the difference and a huge improvement from the chemical laden creamers I used to dump into my coffee.
• I've gotten better about learning how to prepare meats and feel more confident in knowing how to buy. When we have a little extra wiggle room in the budget, I'll get some fresh sausage or cuts of meat at our local farmer's market on Saturday mornings.
• I still fight the sugar dragon constantly - the cravings are far less intense or frequent from before the Whole 30, but they still bubble to the surface daily. However, I have to say when I do partake in a treat - a piece of wedding cake, a birthday cupcake, etc. - I don't feel the need to wolf it down and go for another helping. I've learned to enjoy them and associate them with special occasions, limiting the intake and heightening the experience in the few bites I allow myself.
• My sleep patterns are the most "normal" than they've ever been. I fall asleep much easier and wake up not feeling like I got hit by a bus (I'm not a morning person, so this is a huge improvement).
• I've been plagued with painful, embarrassing adult acne for the last few years. Though I had started to finally get it under control, the Whole 30 almost completely cleared up my face with only the occasional, minor breakout since then (usually in response to the weekends I make poor nutritional choices). 
• I'm a Greek yogurt fanatic and now it's the only diary we keep in the house. My body just knows what to do with the stuff, so I still have it for breakfast once or twice a week (or when I just can't handle more eggs) - plain topped with fruit and/or mixed nuts, a dash of cinnamon and honey for touch of sweetness.
• Avocados, olive oil, and butter were huge no-no's for me before Whole 30 because they were "fatty." Now that I understand their function and have seen a dramatic change in my hair and nail growth (and glowing skin!), we keep plenty on hand. We got rid of chemical laden sprays and margarines and swapped for coconut oil and clarified/unsalted butter.
• Overall? I'm simply far more conscious about what I buy and eat, reading labels and planning meals well in advance so I don't rely on "easy" convenience items. We spend a little more in our grocery budget to get whole, safe, quality foods, but we've saved a ton in not going out or ordering take-out. Meals are more fun because we experiment with more spices and veggies and meats. I feel more wholly satisfied and not bloaty and weighted down. If I fall off the wagon, I know where to turn and what to do to get back on track.

To those of you who have successfully completed the Whole 30, what were your biggest "a-ha" moments or things you learned?
How did you feel after? What have you done to maintain it?

To those of you considering doing it yourself, don't waste another day thinking about it. You can do anything for 30 days; and if your health is a concern, either for yourself or for setting an example for those around you, you really have nothing to lose. (Well, accept acne, pain, insomnia, YOU KNOW.)

Here's to your health, folks!

Hugs & High Fives,

C