An Open Letter to Those Who Spoil It for the Rest of Us

Jan 15, 2012

Dear Spoilers,

It's time to let you know your behavior is unwelcome. It's unfair, it's rude, and it's downright bloody annoying.

It takes a lot to get me into a TV series or book series or really anything meant to entertain and to envelop the imagination. Not only does it present a commitment of my time, but it's a risk of growing fond of or frustrated with characters so brilliantly constructed by authors, writers, playwrights, and creators. You all know I'm an emotional disaster as it is, and my nerves are rationed for only THE most complicated, addicting, and delightful or tragic situations.

When I lived in a world where "information overload" meant too much homework, I was safe from the crushing blow of disappointment. I enjoyed my personal entertainment of novels and shows and films on my own time. I could scream "SHUUUT UUUUP!!!" or throw something at a friend or family member or colleague who even BEGAN to give something away in conversation.

Then the dawn of real-time information came swiftly, abruptly. People could share EV-ER-Y-THIIIING. Photos, news, updates, articles, videos, sports scores, jokes, dreams, goals, daily to do lists, photos of every meal one eats in a day, babies IN UTERO, crappy song lyrics, whiny and vulgar political opinions, FEET! DEAR GOD WHY DO WE NEED TO SEE YOUR FEET, cries for attention, "mysterious" sad faces or winky faces, duck faces, and every thought and reaction that EVER comes to mind. And with that, my little bubble of safe, blissful ignorance shattered. No where is safe.

John and I are busy. By the time we get home, we're worn out. We share about our days, we share a modest but healthy meal, and we love spending an uninterrupted 30 min-1 hour together when we can, getting lost in a tangle of drama, mystery, comedy, and lives very different from our own. We don't have regular TV or cable, so we're at the mercy of the internet lords to post the day-old leftovers when they can.

I enjoy reading. I love words, prose, character development, symbolism, and a gosh-darned GOOD story. It helps me see the world in new ways, it wakes up my creative and wanderlust spirit, it makes me more inquisitive, it helps me get to sleep at night.

When you ruin a work of entertainment, you're not only screwing it up for your immediate circles. You've invariably taken the breath, the humanity, the ART out the production. An author writes and visual crews create in such a way to convey a feeling, a series of emotional roller coasters -- when you already know the ending or key pieces to the story, the creator's intentions are lost in a premature revelation. You can slough through the next few chapters or episodes to glean the extra details... but what's point?

Why, WHY do you do it, Spoliers? You Know-It-Alls? You Big Mouths? Do you feel proud proud? Superior? Is it because you've actually taken time to appreciate something that didn't involve the word "redneckanize" or drunken brawls or pea-brained "why-are-they-famous" celebrities? Well GOOD. FOR. YOU.

So you thieves of joy, you sergeants in the army of smug, you squeally simpletons who don't consider the rest of us... I'm here to tell you that you're THAT GUY/GAL who says "one more word" in class that results the rest of us having to run laps. Go eat your lunch in the bathroom stall because you can't sit with us.

My only solution is to effectively hide, delete, or unfollow you, or avoid any online socializing during times of new releases and launches and premieres. But it chaps my bottoms that I can't enjoy my online outlets because YOU can't shut your piehole.

(*insert exhausted, heavy sigh*)

But don't you worry, you Spoilers. I have my own army. An army rifled with civility and standards and etiquette. Those who know common courtesy and social decency don't go away just because things are happening on the other side of the screen. Consider us the hackers of the impolite. May the dear Lord help the day we put you in your place.

And with that: GOOD DAY, SIR. 
AND MA'AM.

Respectfully,
C

Pure Barre: What's the Big Deal?

Y'all know I’ve always had a pretty active lifestyle. But in recent months I had been in a real fitness rut. My runs were becoming exhausting, almost painful; I wasn't taking nor teaching fitness classes because of my new job transition; and frankly I wasn't motivated or excited about being active as I had been. When my friend, Becky, invited me to try the latest fitness venture in town, Pure Barre, I hesitated... but knew I desperately needed something to get me back on track. 

I did a little research but wasn't sure what to expect; with a name like "Pure Barre," I envisioned ballet buns and leg warmers and raspy-voiced instructors barking at us to do pirouettes across the floor to Tchaikovsky. There clearly couldn't be a place for an uncoordinated six-foot gal with her cursed wide-set Polish hips and boat-sized feet. But Becky insisted... and I begrudgingly dragged my big hips and feet to the studio (with my bride-to-be friend, Leigh, also begrudgingly being dragged in tow).

It was Halloween the night of my first class, and you'd think Pure Barre was the scariest haunted house of them all. The studio had barely been open a week, and there sat a room full of about 25 ladies all appropriately scared out of their wits. Nobody but maybe a select few who had done a class prior knew what was about to happen. Looking around, however, I was hardly the only one who wasn't a "dancer" type. We ranged in ages, sizes, builds, and fitness capacities - some regular fitness buffs, some who had never taken a fitness class before. (EVER.)  Those who were elegant and graceful, and those of us who look like we perpetually need a sobriety test. The music started, and the co-owner/instructor, Addie, enthusiastically entered the class. My anxieties began welling up, but I didn't even have time to let them kick in. And by the end of class, I was a shaky, sweaty, wide-eyed mess... and OH, how I absolutely could not wait until my next class.

>> THE CLASS <<

Don't worry, the studio provides everything... except the socks, which you can buy at the studio!

A typical Pure Barre class moves really quickly. It’s a truly full-body workout, combing elements from yoga, Pilates, ballet barre work, and Pure Barre’s signature moves (which, I will totally admit, are super awkward the first few times you try them). Spending 5-8 minutes per muscle group, you're challenged to push yourself to complete muscle fatigue, much like BodyPump and other strength training classes. HOWEVER, the big difference I noticed is the isolation and focus on targeted areas, with a very strong connection to the female physique** (aka, the "trouble areas" many women agonize over), such as:

:: the upper arms, shoulder, and "tank top" areas

:: the tush and back of the legs

:: the deep, lower abs
:: the hips and "muffin top"

:: and my most loathed zone, the thighs. 

While all your muscle groups are working together, it’s a different feel and mindset than most classes I’ve taken. 

Image courtesy of Pure Barre

And it’s not frilly. 

There’s no Tchaikovsky. (But Black Eyed Peas? You bet.) 

The instructors are as nice and encouraging as can be. 

The class is as hard as you make it, and I promise you - the second you start to get bored, they shake things up. 

Dance experience is in no way required.

In fact, you don't even have to like dance.

>> THE RESULTS  <<

You’ll feel it the first class. I noticed a pretty big improvement by the end of week two, and by the end of my first month I felt lighter, tighter, and longer (and my husband noticed it even before I did). My runs have improved, my joints aren't nearly as stiff as they used to be, and I've gained some serious flexibility (I'll stay mum on whether or not my husband noticed that, too).

Anna R. & Addie F. of Pure Barre Columbia (courtesy PB Columbia)

I approached Addie & Anna about the idea of doing a post, and they were incredibly gracious to let me snap some photos and answer some questions. Not only did I discover they were from my hometown, but that they put a lot on the line to follow their new passion - something I wholly admire. Below is their take on the experience and why, particularly, they hope to make an impact here in the Capital City.

>> THE STUDIO <<

Why did you choose Columbia, SC, to open a new Pure Barre studio?

:: We both have roots in the Columbia area so opening a business here was ideal. The city is growing more and more progressive and has an abundance of outdoor resources for those seeking healthy, active lifestyles. However, there is nothing like Pure Barre here. We fell in love the with the technique because it is an intelligent exercise that produces fast results. While there are over 100+ locations nationwide, Pure Barre feels like a small, tight knit community of women. We are so excited to include the Columbia women of all ages in the Pure Barre lifestyle.

What was your "ah-ha" moment in deciding to open a PB studio?
:: We feel that the opportunity for us to open a PB Studio was a Godsend. We were both looking for a career we were passionate about so we jumped at the chance to franchise Pure Barre here in Five Points. Growing up cheering and dancing competitively, this was our second chance to do what we love. After experiencing the passion and energy of the people involved in Pure Barre, we knew it was something we wanted to be a part of.

Any advice for beginners?
:: Pure Barre is intense but anyone who can hold on to a ballet barre can do it. The workout utilizes the ballet barre & small isometric movements to lift and shape a woman’s backside, taper in her hips, flatten her abs, tone everything and burn fat. It gets everything you need done in 55 minutes, is set to great music and is actually a lot of fun!

What is your favorite thing about the class?
:: Thighs. We work for the "shake" in class, every time. Shaking is a good thing; it means your muscles are changing!

How do you think Pure Barre will impact the Columbia community?
        :: The reason PB has such a following is because it really works and it works fast. We’ve watched the technique shrink & lift women in a matter of weeks! At this time there are over 100,000 women doing Pure Barre! To see results you should do PB at least 3-4 times per week.  However, the workout is designed so you could do it every day and the more you do it the more effective it will be. We are the first barre studio in Columbia and it is a totally different take on exercise. You don't have to beat your joints up to get a good workout. You can be drenched in sweat without both feet ever leaving the carpet.

>> OVERALL <<

The experience has been great. The chance to try something new, meet new people, and feel new change in my physical appearance and health has been a welcome one. I definitely see myself sticking with it into the New Year, and I’m incredibly excited to see how Pure Barre grows here in Columbia. 

For more information on Pure Barre, the moves, and others who have experienced the results, check out these links!

Women's Health Review (plus workout guide!)
A fellow blogger reviews Pure Barre
"Sarah Fit" reviews PB

>> WAIT, WAIT - THERE'S MORE! <<

And for those of you in the Columbia, SC area interested in trying it, PB Columbia hosting a PURE RESOLUTION deal to kick off the new year with 2 months at a discounted price.
OH, you know you want to be my workout buddy. I think Becky & Leigh are getting bored with me anyways.