1) In an emergency situation, I'd be completely useless.
2) If the Capital City is ever hit with a catastrophic event, WE'RE ALL DOOMED.
It's not necessarily my lack of faith in our "emergency" personnel or the apathetic attitudes of my fellow citizens (OKAY, yes it is), but let's get real... the whole reason a distaster is a distaster is because we often don't know what to expect. And when we do, it's two seconds too late.
SO! In preparation for something devastating, I've started taking measures to ensure my survival... or at least I can keep myself alive until a hunky firefighter comes and finds me. Some of those things include scanning and backing up important documents, keeping stashes of non-perishables close, and keeping a first aid kit handy. Another?
Putting my dogs through RIGOROUS PHYSICAL TRAINING.
Now that the days are getting longer, I can take my pups to a big lawn in front of an office building down the street and let them get run free. They think they're "frolicking." Little do they know I'm testing their wit and stamina so they'll be prepared. PREPARED FOR THE WORST.
In case I'm ever stranded and my perishables run out, I've encouraged my (not-so) lean (kinda) mean fighting machines to chase the squirrels that swarm the lawn in case we need the meat to survive, a'la Oregon trail. Sean Luca's a bit of pro, but poor Audrey can't seem to figure out what to do. After a throaty pep talk (pup talk?), she locked in on her target... SHE'S GONNA DOOOO THIS.
Determined to go for the gold, she knows she needs to cut off the little sucker at the pass...
Locking in, she's got a clear trajectory and open space.
EAT IT, SQUIRREL!
EAT IT, SQUIRREL!
Just as the squirrel kicks it in high gear,
Audrey goes for WARP SPEED!
Audrey goes for WARP SPEED!
Using her cheetah like abilities, she starts to close in....
Just then the squirrel thinks he can make a fast turn and play Audrey for a fool....
AAAAANNNND!
........
.... and...
The unsuspecting sinkhole strikes again....
... she sits back up, and the squirrel: GONE.
Hot, bothered, and defeated, she returns to me at the other side of the yard, head hung low, and knows she needs to do better next time.
So when I ask my young cadet in training what she had to say for herself, this is all she could muster....
YUP. DOOMED.
So moral of the story: Better buy a few more boxes of Cheez-Its and Oreos.
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*Side note: The export process is jerking around with the photos and putting that random watermark on there... working on the techy stuff to figure that out...
**More important side note: Emergency situations actually are very serious things and it's amazing how many people don't even know how to prepare. To get started and have your own plan, you can click here. Also, in light of recent distasters, especially those in the midwest, you can also help with the relief by visiting the Red Cross for either a monetary or blood donation. Remember what goes around comes around, and there may be a day you'll be the one who needs help!
It is terrifying, isn't it? I mean, I've always maintained that I live in the Midwest because I am a perpetually paranoid human and nothing much happens here (i.e. no earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis...etc). This year has clearly proved my theory wrong. I had better find my pup some squirrels to chase...
ReplyDeleteYou should make a flip book with those pictures...that would be awesome!! I about peed my pants when I saw the one of Audrey nose-diving into the ground! hahaha so funny! But poor thing, she is too dainty and pretty to be a huntin' dog! Next time I'm in Columbia, can Simba join in on the physical training fun? He LOVES chasing squirrels! Thank you for making my day with this post. And for the link to that Ready site...I just browsed through it and there's a lot of good information!
ReplyDeleteCelia,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, you're supposed to shoot the squirrel while the dog is chasing it, so all she has to do is bring it back to you. Given your location, you will need a silencer so you don't get in trouble!
In our case, our emergency preparation involves allowing Moseley to eat all he wants. He's our twenty plus pound black cat--ask Tracy how he came to live with us. I figure he's good for at least a couple meals--propane grilled if the power is off.
Loved the pictures.
Bill
I laughed SO RIDICULOUSLY HARD at those pictures. Then I made Derrick come look too so we could laugh SO RIDICULOUSLY HARD together.
ReplyDelete