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AND HEEEEEERE'S THE GREAT RETURN POST!....
....... actually, I have no idea what's going on right now.
Every time I sit down to write my "come-back" blog post, I suddenly feel incredibly heavy with the weight of all the end-of-my-grad-career feelings and pressures. To be honest, I've been busier and more stressed now than I was pre-graduation, and I haven't had time to process what all happened. What the last two years have meant. What I learned, what I'll miss, and what I made of the whole experience. I was denied the catharsis I wanted more than anything... and I'm still waiting to hear back from the bagillion jobs I applied for...
Worse, I haven't had time or energy to look ahead, to make plans for myself, to re-prioritize and rediscover the parts of me I've lost or pushed aside the last couple of years. I feel uncomfortable and moody and lost. I feel so tired.
I'm stuck in the moment, and not in a good way. I'm left dealing with the inevitable eruption of all the important things I've put off or ignored or simply didn't have time to handle, unable to bring any real sense of closure to the experience nor get excited about what lies ahead.
Y'ALL... all I want is to unabashedly eat a package of Oreos (double-stuffed) washed down with a bottle of champagne while watching Breakfast at Tiffany's in my underpants.
But I can't.
Things are speeding up and stopping short all at the same time; and despite being the anal-retentive, Type A, super organization freak, I don't know how or where to start. It's hard to face your challenges when you're reeeeally not even sure what they are.
I'm sorry I don't have anything brilliant or motivating or HUZZAAAH! to say. I wish I could sit here and gush how great it feels to be graduated (!!!) and how I'm moving into a shiny and wonderful new chapter in my life (!!!) with great things on the horizon (!!!) WITH PUPPIES AND UNICORNS AND VODKA (!!!) and I'm poised TO SAVE THE WORLD!!!!
I can't even remember what day it is half the time.
BUT... I can say I'm getting excited for summer. For the chance to get away from the computer and see things and people, to actually get a freakin' tan. To spend more time with John without the looming homework anxiety, to play with friends I haven't seen in so long, to really get back behind the camera for the sake of creativity... to really be able to ask myself, Is this worth my time and sanity anymore?
I've spent the last couple of weeks purging things... things in my apartment, at my desk at work, tucked in random files in my computer, etc. I've slowly walked away from people I know add to the clutter and anxiety in my life, giving me more time to put toward the people who actually held onto the pieces of me I thought I lost... if not for them, for you, I'd have gone completely mad.
Don't worry. I actually feel better already.
Like, a lot.
I won't stay emo for long.
So stick with me, lovers, I just need a little more time. A few more hugs. A package of (double-stuffed) Oreos.
I'm sorry I don't have anything brilliant or motivating or HUZZAAAH! to say. I wish I could sit here and gush how great it feels to be graduated (!!!) and how I'm moving into a shiny and wonderful new chapter in my life (!!!) with great things on the horizon (!!!) WITH PUPPIES AND UNICORNS AND VODKA (!!!) and I'm poised TO SAVE THE WORLD!!!!
I can't even remember what day it is half the time.
BUT... I can say I'm getting excited for summer. For the chance to get away from the computer and see things and people, to actually get a freakin' tan. To spend more time with John without the looming homework anxiety, to play with friends I haven't seen in so long, to really get back behind the camera for the sake of creativity... to really be able to ask myself, Is this worth my time and sanity anymore?
I've spent the last couple of weeks purging things... things in my apartment, at my desk at work, tucked in random files in my computer, etc. I've slowly walked away from people I know add to the clutter and anxiety in my life, giving me more time to put toward the people who actually held onto the pieces of me I thought I lost... if not for them, for you, I'd have gone completely mad.
Don't worry. I actually feel better already.
Like, a lot.
I won't stay emo for long.
So stick with me, lovers, I just need a little more time. A few more hugs. A package of (double-stuffed) Oreos.
And you know what?
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| See more Instragram-crackedness at @CeliaGWhiz |
It's actually kind of fun to wear a funny hat and velvety hood.
Stay tuned.
Hugs & High Fives,
C
Celia- you are not alone...thank you for putting EXACTLY how I feel into such a wonderful post graduation blog post today! I have been feeling the same anxiety and restlessness with grad school over with and no job prospects and oh so many resumes out there in the world! You are wonderful and I am oh so glad to not be alone in this strange feeling of being lost in the big grown up world!
ReplyDeleteCelia!
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly how I felt when I graduated last year! For 2 years, you have your schedule, your assignments and your days (down to the hour) all mapped out! Then BOOM you're a graduate. Those mean universities just drop us out into the world - no severance package or anything. It's super difficult to figure out where to go next or what you should be doing, but take it from me: it all works out! You will decide to take some step (any step!) and then the pieces all just fall into place! You're an ambitious, energetic, awesome gal! You've got this! And in the mean time - enjoy the summer. How I wish I could get a tan with you!! :)
Loves!
I'm so glad you are writing again, it makes my day when you post! I think we all feel like this at a couple points in our lives. We know we need to go forward but aren't sure how to do it or even go about it sometimes. I think you are doing it right though, find what makes you happy (people, job, surroundings) and stick with that. Once you figure out how to do that, then come over and tell me how. ;)
ReplyDelete