I don't know even know where to start.
This has been, BY FAR, the worst semester of my life. My class work, my work-work (all three jobs), and my beau's tireless search for gainful legal employment have been downright painful, frustrating, and, worst of all, hopeless. That pathetic little light at the end of the tunnel seems to get farther away with each new craptastic situation, unfortunate set of circumstances, or heart-breaking dead-end after lots of time and energy wasted. Once someone who made long-term plans and decisions to get there accordingly, I find myself living a day or two at a time - because honestly, I live in terror of things to come. More work to be done. More bad news.
There comes a point when drinking yourself into a numbed stupor and rationalizing your challenges as "tests of the cosmos" make you just want to punch somebody and walk away from it all.
As my To Do list got heavier and messier and my life along with it, I found myself in a place I wasn't sure to get out of - my energy zapped, my ambitions tossed careless by the wayside, my creative breath knocked right out.... as of today I stand (sit?) before you all as a tangled mess of despair, loathing, exhaustion, and vapidness.
The worst part?
For the first time in my life, I don't know what to do. A self-proclaimed organization and planning freak, I'm left without even the slightest clue of how to move forward.
I need a victory. A manageable To Do list. Something to look forward to. A top-shelf cocktail and a hug.
In the end, I decided I needed to put my beloved and precious blog on a mini and formal hiatus. And for a short while, I may also be taking down my Facebook. Cutting down on distractions seems to be the first step to getting out of the crap-hole that is my existence.
(To my blogging pals, new and old, I'll be catching up in the coming weeks after I survive final papers, projects, presentations, and exams. I can't say it enough, but I do take time to read, I'm just bad about commenting due to lack of brain-power.)
INNNNN the meantime... I've compiled a list of "Best of B@T" to keep you thrilled and entertained during my (undisclosed) time away. Want more? Click "The Mean Reds"in the titlebar...
My in-depth look at the crazy - and I mean CRAZY - womenfolk in our lives.
I swear the only thing worse than group projects is... no, actually, group projects are the embodiment of hell-on-earth.
As a fitness instructor, I have a few tips on how to not be a total ass-hat at the gym. Oh, and get that workout you deserve. (Yup, there are tips for the fellas in there, too.)
It's December. Why am I posting about summer? Because it relates to vacays and I know some of y'all have bang-up plans to hit the road this holiday season.
My testament and personal reflections on the journey into professional photography. There's a Part II, a follow-up, you can find under "The Mean Reds."
With that, I'm off to down my 3rd (maybe 5th?) cup of coffee... and possibly crank up Mumford & Sons.
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I know there are good things, good people, and good moments in my life. I'm grateful for those and hold on to them like a 2nd-grader to a pudding cup. I'll come out of this one way or another, and your patience is more than I could ask for.
6' foot blondes are hard to keep down.
Oh, Celia, I wish I could give you a big hug and share a cup of coffee with you right now. I'm knowing just how you feel. Is this that quarter life crisis they talk about? Because I'm so over it. Best of luck! I hope finals go smoothly for you and you find something you can mark off that to-do list.
ReplyDeleteHugs!!!
Celia!! I have been bad about commenting on your blogposts but I love them oh so much! And your honesty and rawness is really inspiring and helps me get through my hectic life of MPA program and my (only 2!) jobs!! My boyfriend is gearing up for his PT boards so I feel you on that anxiety as well. Thanks for sharing so candidly- sometimes knowing that you're not alone is enough to help you power through. I will miss your blog and facebook posts, but that means that I'll just have to be better at emailing- you're not giving up emailing, right? Good luck with the rest of your semester- I'm pulling for you, girl friend!!!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could give you them in person but here is a virtual cocktail and a cyber hug, love.
ReplyDeleteIt does get a little tiresome when people continue with the 'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade'. I'm fond of responding, 'when life gives me lemons, I prefer to pelt other people with them; they make a nice "POOT" sound when they strike'.
Take as much of a hiatus as you need, darlin', because even when you're sitting down, you're still kicking ass. You're a bit of a rockstar like that. ;)
Selfish me does hope that you'll still have time for the occasional #hecklingbuildscharacter fest on Twitter though. ;-P
*throws some lemons at your trials for you* *POOT POOT POOT*
Girl-- I feel your pain right now. I'm currently putting off a 20 page paper. <3 Let's get cocktails after next week, shall we?
ReplyDeleteI actually came here looking for you yesterday, thinking my RSS reader must not be updating properly or something.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear life's going so terribly! Obviously I haven't been reading you long, but I have no doubt that you'll pull out of this, based on what I've seen of your talents.
Maybe this is really annoying advice, but I hope you and your boy will take his downtime as an excuse to hang on each other constantly. He'll be at work and busy soon enough!
Sounds like you're doing the right thing for you, so I don't blame you one bit, though I'll miss you.
Hang in there lady! You will kick ass and you will come out on top! Good luck and smile!
ReplyDeleteYou've always got a big hug from me waiting for you! I hope that your world stops spinning so fast after the end of the semester. I'll miss your posts but I know you'll come back to it when you have the time. Chin up and I'll see you next week with a big girl drink in my hand for you! ;)
ReplyDeleteGirl, do what you gotta do. I totally agree with the cutting down on distractions...maybe you can also reassess how important/necessary some of the obligations that you've taken on voluntarily are before next semester.It's not weakness to prioritize and shed some of that weight you're feeling (if that's possible). Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteI am so supportive of blogging sabbaticals. I actually think they're awesome, because when you come back we'll be like OMGAWWWWWWWWD I MISSED YOU SO MUCH TELL ME EVERYTHING. Why phone it in when you can hit the pause button? That's why God gave us DVRs, right? Plus...let's be honest...we still have Twitter. And hashtags. Get yo' life on track and come back with exciting stories.
ReplyDeleteAnd good luck to John. Sincerely.